KW-11 Mumsplaining

I've not invented a new word since the year 2003

Temperatures at The Barracks this week had the mercury pogoing up and down its narrow glass tube. The coldest we saw was minus 6 during one particularly unpleasant night of wind and ice, and the warmest breaking comfortably into the positive double digits.

When the sun comes up in the morning, if unobstructed by clouds or fog, both of which put in near permanent dayspring appearances, the south-pointing glass elevation of the loft warms quickly. In spring, of which we are still optimistic, it can be a beautiful place, standing in the window, looking out over the potager, bones warming nicely through the skin.

The forest has a tendency to go a little monochromatic at times. This photo was taken on my mobile. I also had my long-lens digital camera with me, because I went in the search of wintry deer to take photos of it. After about an hour of hiking, I realised I had forgotten the SD Card and came home again.

This week, I took down a tree.

Now, taking down trees can be controversial, it can be hard work, and it can be dangerous. But it does not need to be any of these.

It is always ok to take down a tree if you plant a bunch more. I have planted almost 1000 since I have been here, doubling the wooded areas from 7300m2 when I moved in to 13,000m2 when the forestry commission last measured it. And that doesn’t include the orchard. (because you can’t see it from space. Not yet!)

Ok, it probably is always going to be physical work, but if you approach it carefully and thoughtfully, it need not be “hard” work.

And finally, does it have to be dangerous? Well, there is a joke that if you want to kill a man, buy him a chainsaw and wait, but that is a joke.

A tree will always fall over when you cut through it. To a certain extent, you can control the direction in which it falls, but you can’t go completely against gravity. If it’s listing very much to one side, that is going to be the side it falls to. When I posted to Instagram that I both got my chainsaw stuck, and that it fell the “wrong” way, the maternal instincts of quite a few of you kicked in. Which was sweet, entirely motivated by love, and it made me smile. It also birthed a new word.

Mumsplaining

The desire to issue caring, motherly advice to perfectly capable man in the entirely plausible belief that he is going to himself some sort of horrific injury. 

The tree fell with gravity, and went right through the fence. I am not writing this from a hospital bed, and I want to thank you most sincerely for your worries and apologise for your emotional stress. You sillies. I didn’t even get a splinter!

The three that fell through the fence.

I did post the deconstructed tree to Instagram. The picture seasonally flavoured with falling snowflakes. I gave it the music to O Christmas Tree (the traditional German version - Oh Tannenbaum - not the Aretha Franklin version), which I thought was hilarious. Ahh well. I amuse myself, which is an important quality in Barracks winters.

A deconstructed Tannenbaum. The pile of branches and needles can stay where it is and decompose slowly over the next couple of years. The hefty chunks of wood are destined for the stove next winter, and the stump can stay there. I have no inclination to dig it out whatsoever.

In other news, about a year and a half ago, I should think - I hosted a German freelance reporter human who came and stayed for a week, and wrote a bit about what’s going on here. That article is now finally coming out in the Süddeutsche Zeitung Magazin this Friday, if you are interested in reading what someone else thinks of the place, the project, the pirate. Apparently, the photos turned out nicely as well.

This week, the work list is again massively weather dependent. They say we are going to get a couple of properly warm ones, but with even greater temperature contrasts from day to day. Actually, I really don’t know what I am going to do. I shall figure it out.

And I’ll tell you all about it next week, so until then, be excellent to each other, and with much pirattey love

Your Pirate Ben

xoxo

PPS: I said on Instagram that I would answer your AMA questions here today. Unfortunately, the questions were insightful and intelligent, and all of them far better suited to blog posts than this newsletter. I’ll try to address them in turn. Except for the person who asked why I was wearing a tie. Answer - it was from my “Photos of the barracks in the style of Wes Anderson” set that I posted to the new, pictorial newsletter which comes out on Friday afternoons. I don’t trust the continued longevity of Instagram, so I started The Barracks In Pictures.

PPS: Hi Ray!